WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an agreement that members of the G.O.P. conference are calling a game changer, every House Republican will serve as Speaker for a term of four minutes.
At the end of each four-minute term, Rep. Matt Gaetz, of Florida, will advance a motion to vacate the chair, after which the Speaker will be forced to clean out his or her office and start working from Starbucks.
Once the Speaker has been removed, Republicans will recess for a week before choosing who will serve for the next four minutes.
Future Speaker of the House George Santos of New York hailed the agreement as “the best idea I’ve seen in my thirty years in Congress.”
Another future Speaker, Marjorie Taylor Greene, of Georgia, said that the arrangement would restore Americans’ faith in the Republicans’ ability to govern. “With this distraction out of the way, we can get back to the important business of impeaching Hunter Biden,” she said.